Wake Up

Swallow the bottle
Let go of the life
That has been your prison
All this time

You say you can't love no more
You say the pain he cause hurt you too much
Well, love that can't be true
Not when I have proof that you were the one who broke
it all

Pack your bags
I give you 6 days to say goodbye
Is that not enough time?
To take the useless memories you've left behind

Swallow the pain
Swallow the words you couldn't say
Leave nothing in your wake
No even a spark of what once was your scent

PART ONE:
The car's tires stop
the sun is burning outside.
"You'll be happy here" says my dad
A person who can't even look me in the face anymore.
Not since that night.
He found me laying naked in the grass.
I step outside, breath in what will be my new life.
"Say thank you to your mother"
"I will"
Bags in hand I start to walk towards the door of a
house I will never call my home.
This is mom's safe heaven.
The place she went after she left me and dad behind.
The place where she found a new life. A new family.
This was their home and I was only here for the night.
"Welcome home," says Mom when she opens the door. Her
blonde hair, perfect curls.
"Jen" says a huskier voice.
"Hello Margaret," I say to mom before turning to say
the same thing to her husband. Mark.
"Come in." she says and I do.
Their house is huge to someone used to living in a 2
room apartment like me.
Luckily though, they have a son who will show me around.
He's eight and all too eager to show his 'big sister'
the house.
"Dinner will be ready at eight," says Mark as Teddy
grabs my hand and starts pulling it.
"Alright," I say, looking at paintings Teddy points out,
eyes fascinated by things he sees everyday.
When he says we've reached my room I'm all too happy
to step inside and sit down in the bed.
"I sleep across from you," he says before closing the
door and leaving me to check out the room.
I can tell the green walls have been recently painted
by the slight odor in the air.
The walk-in closet is bare; as is the walls, and the
tables.
I guess they expected me to bring the things I left in
my room back home here.
Too bad I only brought clothes, leaving the pictures
and the false memories behind.
I decide to take a shower and wash the scent of home
off.
A new bed, a new room, a new life. Is that all my dad
thinks i need to go back to being the person I
was before?
After showering and brushing my long hair I put on
jeans and a bottom-up shirt, deciding to look decent
for a mother I haven't seen in more than ten years.
I outh you be mad at her. Furious for leaving my dad
and I without an explanation or goodbye.
But I can't muster the anger inside me too show.
It too, lies dormant as my other emotions.
I didn't used to be this numb before.
This uncaring.
For years I've longed for the moment I could see my mom
again. Smell her scent. Feel her arms around me pull me
closer.
Now I couldn't even stand close to her. Couldn't even
say the words I'd practice in the mirror saying before.
"Dinner time!" calls Teddy from outside my door.
"Coming," I tell him.
Out first dinner as a family is filled with silence. I
say few words to them and stay out of conversation as
much as possible.
I don't want to talk to them. Not about my old school,
my old friends, not about anything.
Margaret announces the big new during dessert.
"Jen will be going to school tomorrow," she says this
with the biggest smile.
As if ignoring the fact that I'd dropped out of my last
school was no big deal.
As if refusing to go to school for a month was no
indecation what-so-ever that I was finish with school.
"Education is imporant, Jen," says Mark looking at me
with something like dissapointing in his eyes.
"Fine," I finally say because it seems like their
waiting for me to say something.
I'll go to school but I don't make any promises that
I'll be coming back.

I can't sleep at night. It used to be so I could hear
my dad when he came back from work. To make sure he
hadn't left me behind like my mom.
All night I lay in bed with my eyes opened, waiting to
hear the keys opening the front door and hear dad's
heavy steps on the room besides mine.
Now it was second-nature. I couldn't close my eyes
without fearing that he'd left and I'd be alone.
Even now in mom's house I coudn't force sleep to come.
Here where I can't even hear any sound.
At 7:24 a.m. there was a light tap on my door followed
by mom's voice telling me to wake up.
If she had opened the door she would have seen that I
was already dressed and ready to go.
Mark had already left for work so mom would drive me
and Teddy to school.
"You will love it there," says as she drives. Teddy and
I ride in the back. Teddy because he has to. Me because
I can't be that close to her.
"I know lots of mothers who sent their kids there. They
say the courses they offer are excellent."
While she talks about the school I look outside my
window. Taking the green trees in and the big houses we
pass.
We drop off Teddy first againts his will.
"I want to see her go in!" he says.
I continue to stare out the window.
"I'm sorry but you're school is on the way first Teddy,"
says mom as she gets off to get him out and walks him
to the front steps of the school.
She never did that for me, I notice.
"Now to your school," she says brightly as she gets back
in the car.
"Great," I say back pulling my wood coat closer to me.
I'm not nervous of the new school. But going to school
reminds me of him. The person I'm now the way I am.
He was everything and now he's gone.
His face comes in mind and I close my eyes determine to
keep that part of myself closed-off.
The car stops and just like that I block out everything
again.
"Just go to the office and they'll give you your
squedule," says mom before I close the door and she
drives off.
Kids walk by me heading for the entrance as I make my
way away from it. I have no intention of going inside
when they have nothing to teach me that I haven't
already taught myself.I walk around looking for a place
where I could stay and skip class. Something I did
on the first day at my old school. The day I saw him
for the first time; melancholy rushes through me and
the memory of that day comes crawling out of the box
I've put all the memories behind.
I had been looking for a place to skip when I saw a
ladder by the side of a building and after checking if
anybody was watching, I jumped began to climb it.
The top of the building was bare and the concrete hard
when I lay down on it but I didn't care.
Pulling out a pack of cigarretes, I remembersmoking one
to calm down. That day I was a nervous wreck. New school
again. People staring and eating lunch alone.
Laying there smoking and looking at the clouds was how
he found me.
"What are you doing here?" he asked me in a hard tone
that'd made me even more nervous than before. Dark hair,
dark eyes, and even a dark voice.
"What does it look like?" I asked in return looking
away from him.
"You shouldn't be here," I heard him say. His voice
sounding closer than before.
"And yet I am."
"You need to go."
I'd heard those words before.
"Are you going to make me go?"
"I could," he said.
"But you wont."
"What makes you think that."
"Because," I said turning to look at him again, "You're
here too."
We hadn't talked much that first day. All we'd done was
smoke and see the clouds passing above. Where they went,
we had no idea but to move around without having to stay
anywhere. To say anything. That was precious.

There were no buildings with ladders here. But there
were trees. I could probably climb one but sitting on
a branch wasn't a very comfortable way to be for seven
hours.
I sigh and lay down there on the grass.
Spotting me would be easy but I highly doubt anyone
would come looking for me.
As if to prove me wrong, someone trips over me as
I'm resting my head on my arms.
Landing on me.
"I'm so sorry," says the boy with the dark red hair and
bright green eyes; trying to get off me and continue to
walk.He takes a few steps and then turns.
Frowing.
"Are you new?"