for the future too

They kissed. Tentatively at first, measuring the pressure of each others lips and hesitation.  And then with more force as their arms went around each other and the flame of passion consumed their every thought. Nothing could be heard. Nothing could be seen but the image of each other in their mind. The picture that had been forming for a very long time in his mind and had started to take shape in hers.

I need to feel something

She had told him before giving in to the feeling that had been growing inside her ever since they had first locked gazes and she had seen the pain and love he was feeling for her. The pain at seeing her with someone else and the love at knowing that she still wanted to be with him.

All I see is you

He had told her when his lips had parted from hers to inhale air. Blue eyes filled with a light she had seen before. Filled with a longing she had only hoped for. The pain of not knowing weather love was worth it. Weather he was worth the risk had now been diffused with each passing minute his lips kept touching hers. The insecurities at being hurt again and broken had now been vanished from her mine. All by the feel of his body against her.

I love you

She told him and with that she set free the monster that had been consuming his insides. A monster that had been living within him ever since she'd chose the love of Neil over his. Since the moment she had chosen to be apart from him instead of staying by his side. He had seen the indecision in her eyes when she had seen him again. The astonishment at seeing him alive when she had already chosen to be with another man.

Her heart had been broken and torn apart when Neil had come home bloody and dirty saying that Gabe had been killed in the war. That his body had been taken by a monster and was certainly dead. She had almost gone mad with grief and he had been the only one there for her. The only person who was suffering as much as her. She had listen to the broken words of grief and guilt that were consuming his every thought. He deserve to die, Neil had said referring to himself. He was the one they were after and by killing Gabe they had lost the only person who  might have help them in the end.

He had held her when the nightmares became to real. When a memory had re-opened the wound Gabe's dead had left behind. When the tears came and had not let her go until they had all stopped.

Standing on the verge between chaos and abyss she had chosen to move on. To forget the pain and to try to re-start her life with the only man who accepted the fact that she could never love anyone as much as she'd love Gabe. A man who said he'd take whatever she could give him as long as he could remain by her side. Guarding her. Protecting her and making sure the wound inside her heart never broke her the way it once had. Making sure she was safe and held when she needed the support of another human life. A man who'd promise to always be there for her and to be always near to keep her safe. The man she was now betraying him. By being here with Gabe, by giving up the hope of love that had blossom inside his heart after thinking. After being sure that he would never love again.

This is going to break him

Break him!

And break him it did. While Gabe and Sarah were holding each other and he was kissing her face and she was tracing his face to make herself belief that somehow he had escape.

Neil had been watching. Not with his eyes but using the inner bond that tied Gabe to him. The same silver string that had tide them together ever since that night. The one he hadn't felt since the day Gabe died. It was pulsing now the same way it always did when he was with Sarah.

He was alive and with her.

The woman he'd loved. Who he had given his all for, now had chosen him instead. Why are you so mad about? He asked himself, you've always known she loves him and not you.

Yes he had known but it still hurt and broke his heart at the realization that she would no longer love him. That she would go back to being with Gabe without a glance at the broken heart she was leaving behind.

Or maybe she'd noticed and pause. Tell him she still loved him but she loved Gabe more. Had always loved him.

A dark flame began to burn in Neil's stomach. A flame filled with loathing and anger towards himself for being stupid enough to fall for a girl who was already in love with someone else. At Gabe for conquering the heart of a girl who was better than him in every aspect. At Sarah for faking love and passion. For faking smiles and gratitude.

The fire was burning throughout him. Setting on fire his blood and common sense.

He was filled with hatred with each passing moment he felt the pulsing silver bond shaking with life.

in the future

"Stay with me," he heard her whisper.

"Save him," he told her. HE wanted to scream at her to do something for him and to leave him alone. To tend to his wounds and forget he even existed. Gabe was the one that mattered not him. He was nothing compared to him and had always been.

He opened his mouth to speak but no words came out. No voice was heard for the thickness in his throat was becoming more heavy. He couldn't scream at her to stop trying to cure him. It was useless for the wound had been inflicted on his chest. On the part above the heart and had puncture him deep enough that all around him was now a pool of blood.

Of both their blood.

Neil had seen the desperation in Gabe's eyes when he heard the shot. Had seen the anger and determination to slay whoever had been responsible for pulling Neil on the ground.

"Go," he'd say to him, "go before they get you too."

But Gabe hadn't left him. Instead he gave him a smile and turn in the direction of the shot. Walking with a broken ankle towards what was going to be the end of him too.

Neil had yelled at him to stop and go. To stop pretending to be the hero. He had yelled until he had started coughing up blood and couldn't speak anymore.

Laying on the ground with his head turn towards the direction Gabe had gone. He had felt the moment Gabe had found his killer. Had heard the shouts and angry words. The swords crashing against each other.

"Gabe," he'd whispered.

"What don't you die already?" a voice had said besides him.

He turned and saw one of the most hideous creatures he'd ever seen. Face black as night with big bulging eyes and a peak for a mouth.

"Is not like you're going to survive. Why not die?" The bird asked.

"Because I'm waiting for Gabe to come back," he'd answered with a grunt as the bird moved his head with it's peak.

"He's not coming back."

Neil hadn't listen to him. The bird kept playing with his head and he couldn't do anything to make him stop. He felt a fire from his chest that was consuming his mind. Felt his life go with each passing breath and yet he refused to let go. Refused to leave without seeing that Gabe was alive.

The bird was now poking his face. Peak going down until he felt it hit his chest.

He screamed.

"Oh that hurt?"

The bird hit him again. And again.

The darkness was now coming faster and he couldn’t let himself go.

"Let. Him. Alone."

"Do you want to play too?"

Neil could barely hear now. His instincts told him a person was near but he didn’t if that person was hear now to cause him more pain than the bird

Seconds passed or maybe hours in that darkness that was making him loose his sense one by one. Seconds passed before he could feel the pain leaving little by little his body. Before he could identify the source of the life energy being transfer to him. Before he could stop the person from continuing healing a person that had been destined to die in the battle.

"Gabe," Neil whispered when he could open his eyes.

'Stop.'

"No can do," Gabe said holding him while he channel all his energy on the spot where the shot had hit him. Where the bird had poked repeatedly until he'd passed out from the pain.

Life was entering his body again. The pain receding as his body drank the sweet life energy coming from Gabe.

"You have to stop."

"I don't have to. I have plenty of life energy to spare."

Neil shook his head and said in exasperation, "You do not. Only healers can do that. You can only heal yourself with your life energy."

Gabe hadn't responded to that.

"You could die," Neil had meant to yell at him but could only manage a voice higher than a whisper.

"I'm going to die but not because of this."

Gabe should have left him behind. Should had never agreed to come with him to fight a battle that was his alone.

"Why then?"

Gabe smiled sadly and shook his head.

"When you're okay again I will tell you," he'd said instead.

It didn't take long for Gabe to stop the bleeding and cure the internal damage in Neil's body. He hadn't healed him completely for he was no healer but at least he wasn't on the verge of dying anymore.

Gabe let out a breath and fell on the ground besides Neil.

"That took longer than I thought."

"You mean, more energy than you'd thought?"

"No."

They shared a look and in Gabe's eyes he could see the light fading from his eyes.

"Gabe," said Neil rising up.

"Is fine," said Gabe.

Gabe's face was hot as if he had a fever. Body shaking.

"What happened?"

"Remember that time I saved your life?" He'd asked instead of answering like he always did when he wanted to evade a question.

Neil swallowed and nodded.

"Well is payback time. I need you to do something for me and only you can do it."

"Of course," Neil had said without hesitation. Whatever he needed him to do he would do.

"Kill me."

Gabe told him how he had fallen in a demon tramp. How he'd gotten free before it could kill him but a demon had been waiting for him and had struck him before he realized what was happening. Infecting him with the poison no one had a cure for. A poison that would tear his insides apart and make him mad. His mind would become twisted because the poison affected his brain more than any organ. Infecting everything he had come to know and love.

"Kill me before I have the chance to forget."

Neil shook his head, "I can't"

"You have to."

Tears filled Gabe's eyes.

"You have to because I can't die without remembering Sarah and you. I can't die without knowing that you two existed in my life. That Sarah loved me and how you've protected me from everyone. Including myself. I can't die not remembering how my life has been up until now. Fighting alongside with you is not how I'd planned dying but is better than dying succumbed by a poison. 

Wake Up

Swallow the bottle
Let go of the life
That has been your prison
All this time

You say you can't love no more
You say the pain he cause hurt you too much
Well, love that can't be true
Not when I have proof that you were the one who broke
it all

Pack your bags
I give you 6 days to say goodbye
Is that not enough time?
To take the useless memories you've left behind

Swallow the pain
Swallow the words you couldn't say
Leave nothing in your wake
No even a spark of what once was your scent

PART ONE:
The car's tires stop
the sun is burning outside.
"You'll be happy here" says my dad
A person who can't even look me in the face anymore.
Not since that night.
He found me laying naked in the grass.
I step outside, breath in what will be my new life.
"Say thank you to your mother"
"I will"
Bags in hand I start to walk towards the door of a
house I will never call my home.
This is mom's safe heaven.
The place she went after she left me and dad behind.
The place where she found a new life. A new family.
This was their home and I was only here for the night.
"Welcome home," says Mom when she opens the door. Her
blonde hair, perfect curls.
"Jen" says a huskier voice.
"Hello Margaret," I say to mom before turning to say
the same thing to her husband. Mark.
"Come in." she says and I do.
Their house is huge to someone used to living in a 2
room apartment like me.
Luckily though, they have a son who will show me around.
He's eight and all too eager to show his 'big sister'
the house.
"Dinner will be ready at eight," says Mark as Teddy
grabs my hand and starts pulling it.
"Alright," I say, looking at paintings Teddy points out,
eyes fascinated by things he sees everyday.
When he says we've reached my room I'm all too happy
to step inside and sit down in the bed.
"I sleep across from you," he says before closing the
door and leaving me to check out the room.
I can tell the green walls have been recently painted
by the slight odor in the air.
The walk-in closet is bare; as is the walls, and the
tables.
I guess they expected me to bring the things I left in
my room back home here.
Too bad I only brought clothes, leaving the pictures
and the false memories behind.
I decide to take a shower and wash the scent of home
off.
A new bed, a new room, a new life. Is that all my dad
thinks i need to go back to being the person I
was before?
After showering and brushing my long hair I put on
jeans and a bottom-up shirt, deciding to look decent
for a mother I haven't seen in more than ten years.
I outh you be mad at her. Furious for leaving my dad
and I without an explanation or goodbye.
But I can't muster the anger inside me too show.
It too, lies dormant as my other emotions.
I didn't used to be this numb before.
This uncaring.
For years I've longed for the moment I could see my mom
again. Smell her scent. Feel her arms around me pull me
closer.
Now I couldn't even stand close to her. Couldn't even
say the words I'd practice in the mirror saying before.
"Dinner time!" calls Teddy from outside my door.
"Coming," I tell him.
Out first dinner as a family is filled with silence. I
say few words to them and stay out of conversation as
much as possible.
I don't want to talk to them. Not about my old school,
my old friends, not about anything.
Margaret announces the big new during dessert.
"Jen will be going to school tomorrow," she says this
with the biggest smile.
As if ignoring the fact that I'd dropped out of my last
school was no big deal.
As if refusing to go to school for a month was no
indecation what-so-ever that I was finish with school.
"Education is imporant, Jen," says Mark looking at me
with something like dissapointing in his eyes.
"Fine," I finally say because it seems like their
waiting for me to say something.
I'll go to school but I don't make any promises that
I'll be coming back.

I can't sleep at night. It used to be so I could hear
my dad when he came back from work. To make sure he
hadn't left me behind like my mom.
All night I lay in bed with my eyes opened, waiting to
hear the keys opening the front door and hear dad's
heavy steps on the room besides mine.
Now it was second-nature. I couldn't close my eyes
without fearing that he'd left and I'd be alone.
Even now in mom's house I coudn't force sleep to come.
Here where I can't even hear any sound.
At 7:24 a.m. there was a light tap on my door followed
by mom's voice telling me to wake up.
If she had opened the door she would have seen that I
was already dressed and ready to go.
Mark had already left for work so mom would drive me
and Teddy to school.
"You will love it there," says as she drives. Teddy and
I ride in the back. Teddy because he has to. Me because
I can't be that close to her.
"I know lots of mothers who sent their kids there. They
say the courses they offer are excellent."
While she talks about the school I look outside my
window. Taking the green trees in and the big houses we
pass.
We drop off Teddy first againts his will.
"I want to see her go in!" he says.
I continue to stare out the window.
"I'm sorry but you're school is on the way first Teddy,"
says mom as she gets off to get him out and walks him
to the front steps of the school.
She never did that for me, I notice.
"Now to your school," she says brightly as she gets back
in the car.
"Great," I say back pulling my wood coat closer to me.
I'm not nervous of the new school. But going to school
reminds me of him. The person I'm now the way I am.
He was everything and now he's gone.
His face comes in mind and I close my eyes determine to
keep that part of myself closed-off.
The car stops and just like that I block out everything
again.
"Just go to the office and they'll give you your
squedule," says mom before I close the door and she
drives off.
Kids walk by me heading for the entrance as I make my
way away from it. I have no intention of going inside
when they have nothing to teach me that I haven't
already taught myself.I walk around looking for a place
where I could stay and skip class. Something I did
on the first day at my old school. The day I saw him
for the first time; melancholy rushes through me and
the memory of that day comes crawling out of the box
I've put all the memories behind.
I had been looking for a place to skip when I saw a
ladder by the side of a building and after checking if
anybody was watching, I jumped began to climb it.
The top of the building was bare and the concrete hard
when I lay down on it but I didn't care.
Pulling out a pack of cigarretes, I remembersmoking one
to calm down. That day I was a nervous wreck. New school
again. People staring and eating lunch alone.
Laying there smoking and looking at the clouds was how
he found me.
"What are you doing here?" he asked me in a hard tone
that'd made me even more nervous than before. Dark hair,
dark eyes, and even a dark voice.
"What does it look like?" I asked in return looking
away from him.
"You shouldn't be here," I heard him say. His voice
sounding closer than before.
"And yet I am."
"You need to go."
I'd heard those words before.
"Are you going to make me go?"
"I could," he said.
"But you wont."
"What makes you think that."
"Because," I said turning to look at him again, "You're
here too."
We hadn't talked much that first day. All we'd done was
smoke and see the clouds passing above. Where they went,
we had no idea but to move around without having to stay
anywhere. To say anything. That was precious.

There were no buildings with ladders here. But there
were trees. I could probably climb one but sitting on
a branch wasn't a very comfortable way to be for seven
hours.
I sigh and lay down there on the grass.
Spotting me would be easy but I highly doubt anyone
would come looking for me.
As if to prove me wrong, someone trips over me as
I'm resting my head on my arms.
Landing on me.
"I'm so sorry," says the boy with the dark red hair and
bright green eyes; trying to get off me and continue to
walk.He takes a few steps and then turns.
Frowing.
"Are you new?"